Knock, knock. I can see your TV’s on.

We live in a world full of intrusions.

Yet one of the modern world’s most annoying intrusions is one of the oldest: the door-to-door salesman.

Unfortunately, these conversations are very hard for me to avoid. The way my house is set up, if someone is at my front door, they can see right into my living room where I spend 99% of my non-sleeping time. I could be reading. I could be making out with my dog, surfing the internet or watching TV. That’s usually the killer because someone at the door is in a prime spot to see and hear the TV screen. So if I don’t answer, they usually just keep ringing my doorbell which drives my dog crazy, which in turn drives me nuts. Then I have to answer, just to keep my dog from spontaneously combusting. Because if I am anything, it is a responsible dog owner.

You know you have a door-to-door salesman on your hands when at some point he utters the phrase, “I’m not a salesman.” Like last week a guy dressed in corporate sales uniform – a polo shirt with logo so as not to seem too formal – informed me that he wasn’t a salesman, he was a problem solver. And he wanted to solve my telephone, internet and cable television problems.

The salesman who knocks on my door selling ‘No Solicitor’ signs is going to make a killing. That’s a problem I really, truly and honestly need solved. But before buying, I’d have to ask if these folks if they appreciated the beautiful irony of their situation.

Tags: door to door, doorbell, intrusion, living room, problem solver, salesman, solicitor, spontaneous combustion, uniform